glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
