I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
