I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
