My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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