her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
