Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize