what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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