I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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