Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
