i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
