Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
