ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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