In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
