Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
