found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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