I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
