So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
