he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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