I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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