If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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