Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
