I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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