Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
