Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
