Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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