oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ugly people sure do ruin things
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
