my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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