I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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