You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
