Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
