he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We left the knife in your bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
