i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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