if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
