Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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