Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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