three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
