I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
