omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
