I just cut my nipple shaving
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
