I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
