dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
