Soap is not a condiment
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
