mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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