He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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