great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
