Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
