just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
