So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Houston, we have a squirter
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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