its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
