You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
