you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
