pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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