Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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