Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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