I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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