apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
