four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
