Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
