On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
