Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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