Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups

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(435): View more from Utah

He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?

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(514): View more from Quebec

She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self

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(207): View more from Maine

He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over

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(469): View more from Texas

I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.

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