He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
