I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
