I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
