Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
