I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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