I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
