I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
