bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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