I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
