I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
