I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
