She announced her abortion via fbk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
