I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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