Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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