Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
