Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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