theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
