tell your sister to shave her snatch
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
