do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
