I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
