So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
