New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
