Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize