you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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