Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize