You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
