you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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