man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
