Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
