I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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