remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize