someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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