i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
