So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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