dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
