Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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