I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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