Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
