he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
